Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
