I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
