Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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