You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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