i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
