I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
