she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
