WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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