i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
