While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
