We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
