Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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