9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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