As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
