Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
