i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
