I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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