Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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