You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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