Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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