this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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