you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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