i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
