Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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