Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
