i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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