took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
