I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
