We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
