apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
