I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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