Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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