vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize