Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
