I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
