And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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