So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize