Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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