Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
