Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had sex on a roof
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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