My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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