The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
