your room smells of hookers.
And success
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
