are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
