I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
