And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
