1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
