drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
