It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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