don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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