i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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