you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
