I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
