At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
