I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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