I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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