I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
