member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
