we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
