he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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