Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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