I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
