chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
