some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
