Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have demons in me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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