worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
