hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
