well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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