Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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