I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
