He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize